It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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