i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
