accomplished twins. life is a go
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
