I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
