Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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