chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
