you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i think my cat just said my name.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Randomize
