Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
