You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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