The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
