So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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