My nipple is on Facebook.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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