he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So much Jack, so little girl.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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