I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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