Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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