32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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