why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize