So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize