I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
