is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
