She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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