you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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