unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
