My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
