In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
