In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
