Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
