Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
