someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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