You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He literally asked permission to hit on me
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
