So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize