do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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