lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
