I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
