trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
