I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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