I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Floor bacon is actually really good
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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