I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
