You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
