she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
