I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
