Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
