i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
