So many bounce houses so little time
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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