I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
