Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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