first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I met the friendliest cop last night
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
this is an emotional support booty call
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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