We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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