hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
