it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
