Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
