my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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