u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
