There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Randomize
