dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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