he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
