I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
