when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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