Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
