I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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