what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
