Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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