He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
