Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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