Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just cropdusted the office
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
