it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
