bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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