My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
