as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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