things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
