no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
