I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We smell like vodka and hangover
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