$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
