SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
